Who is the hardest working person in TV?

Last night Mike Tyson was a guest on Watch What happens Live.  It was a must see episode.  He spoke candidly about what an ear tastes like and how Teresa needs to move over and let the younger version of her- Melissa Gorga- take over.  He spoke about needing the Holyfield hot sauce on the ear next time.  He definitely was funny and very candid, but had no awareness that he was on Live TV.  I felt really bad for the poor guy who had his finger on the button to bleep out all the profanity.

Poor Andy- Melissa dropped a marker on his carpet and made a permanent stain.  Mike just keep on talking no matter whether it was his turn or not.  Andy didn't seem to have the hootspa(not a Jew-sorry)  to remind Mike he was on Live TV.  Andy normally has a handle on his guests-but Mike Tyson was a different character.

I remember when Mike Tyson was boxing. One of my roommates was a nut for boxing and went out to buy a VCR to tape the fight.  I was the one who could actually follow directions, so I worked all afternoon trying to install the F'ING MACHINE. Meanwhile, my ADHD , pothead, trust-fund, no job roommate was yelling at me the whole time.  I finally got the fucker in and we watched the fight about half an hour ,later.  The fight lasted less than one minute.  I can't believe I slaved over that installation for 30 seconds! 

Another memory I have of Mike Tyson is that my daughter went to an Atlanta public school for elementary school.  One day she came home from Kindergarten with a gift bag from Good Old Mike Tyson.  There were books and school supplies inside.  Every kid in the whole Atlanta public school system got a goodie bag from Mike Tyson as part of his community service requirement for taking a bite out of Holyfield's ear.  I liked to call the effort- " A bite of the Apple".

I am OK with Mike's triumphant return to the spotlight.  He definitely is a hot-tempered, wife beater, rapist, zombie-esk tough guy. But he deserves a second chance.  He had a really difficult childhood and he was thrust into instant stardom at a very young age.  I am certain he partook of every illegal drug and from his appearance last night, may still be invovled in some illicit drug activities.  The key thing is that at least he is able to make fun of himself now.  That shows a big step up from his Barbara Walters interview with Robin Givens.  He was seriously scary during that time period.

Check out Mike Tyson- plead the fifth on Watch What happens live!  Good stuff!

I can guarantee you a smile with this one!

If you need a pick me up I suggest that you google Sophia Grace and Rosie.  I case you haven't seen these two lovable little girls from Essex, England- you are really missing out.  They are so adorable and Ellen has had them on her show several times.  If you are having a bad day-just check out some of their you tube videos and you will feel better.  Sophia Grace talks a mile a minute and she sings with reckless abandon and knows all the words, all the celebs and her little cousin Rosie is her sidekick and she is like silent Bob or Teller but super adorable.

If you have a twenty something daughter (most likely still at home)- check out Girls on HBO.  My friend told me about this little gem and my daughter and I watched the first season this week.  The lead actress- "Hannah", Leena Dunham writes the show straight from her own experiences and Judd Apatow produces the show.  My friend told me about this and it is a must see for all of us moms that want to understand the dilemmas of our daughters.  Truly- I came out of college in the early 80's.  We were experiencing a recession then- not as bad as today- and truly, boys in their 20's are and have always been pricks.  So I really can relate to this this from my own experiences plus throw in all the technological advances and a generation that had everything all throughout high school and the bottom dropped out while they were in college and you have this show that captures the heart of this new generation. Watch it- it is really good!

My Baby Story

I recently visited new parents at the hospital and held their little bundle of joy.  The new mom was a bit shaken with the whole birth experience and she implied that no one had let her know about what to really expect about the whole process. I have to say that I do intentionally keep the graphic details out of my personal birthing experience when women are pregnant because there is no such thing about being a little bit pregnant.  You are going to have the labor experience no matter who you are and how far along you are. 

My sister had her baby five months before me and I talked to her while she was in the middle of labor and heard her painful contractions and then I basically was scared in anticipation of the whole process for the next half of my pregnancy.  That was when I decided not to be too graphic with the details around my pregnant friends.  The truth is that I have only known three women that basically "popped" the baby out.  Most of the women I know had a long and difficult deliveries.  I think my poor sister experienced crowning for almost two hours. 

I have no idea why anyone would think that the birth process would be magical.The final product is perfect and magical.  The process sucks. The movies and television shows pretty much let us all know that women experience pain.  They don't show all of the torture such as episitomties, epidurals and the total lack of privacy- not in that order of course.

Here are some of the my personal " highlights"-

1. Not realizing that I was having contractions for a day before the really painful contractions started. I alienated my friends by being grumpy and short with them on the phone. I also didn't eat anything that day except soup. This may be the trigger for alerting to women that they are about to start the birth process.

2.  The major contractions start.  I broke a wooden chair by grabbing it and holding on.  I wait 6 hours before going to the hospital at 3 am.  My husband drives like a frightened asian peasant fleeing Ganghas Khan. Believe me it was truly frightening.

3. We get to the hospital and immediately an emergency room (dictator) nurse examines me and breaks my water "by mistake".  She says "honey- you haven't dilated at all, if you are actually experiencing this level of pain now-we  are in big trouble".

4. 12 hours later, I still haven't dilated but 2 cm and can't have an epidural and I am in pain-apparently only in my mind- according to the nurses, they decide to give me pitocin. Oh Shit!

5. While I have Oprah on the TV set- so I know it between 4-5pm- the contractions are fucking killing me.

6.  The anathesisologist is alerted that I have dilated to 4 cm.  I get up on the table on my knees and get the needle in my spine for the epidural.  I am a very private person and all of this bare-assed, spread- eagled public display of my vag and anus are working a permanent need for physciatric appointments for the rest of my life.

7. It is 8pm and I am shaking and yet trying to rest.  The nurse is now very kind.  I have seen 8 other women come and go- in to other words successfully have their babies- I have still not dilated more than 4cm.  I ask the nurse what would have happened to me if I wasn't in a hospital and she replies- you would have died in childbirth.  Thanks- that somehow makes me feel like I can do anything now.

8. It is 11:45pm and the monitors go crazy.  The baby is in distress.  The doctor is called in.  I have never met her.  The nurses come in and shave me down-it is C-section time.  The anaestheiologist comes in again.  I get more juice in the epidural so that I can't feel anything from the shoulders down.  Before this is administered I poop on the table.  Jesus.

9.  11:55pm - I am on the operating table, shaking from  cold and fear, I hear the doctor say- "Oh my God I just missed her nose"- Now I am very confident  and all I can see is the drape and I am shaking my butt off( I wish). 

10.  11:56pm March 5th 1990- My daughter is born.  I haven't eaten in 2 days, I won't get to eat for 2 more after- I don't count Popsicles as food- they show me the baby she looks just like my husband- thank goodness-right?  She is really cute and sweet.  All I can remember is the damn ice chips and I am so thirsty.

I meet the anaesthesiologist one year later, when I had to have  a D &C.  The surgeon introduced us and he said-"we've meet before".  Very Disturbing. 

Can you understand why I don't want to tell  new mothers about my birth story?

Two great TV moments this week

Now that I am off for the summer- I do some gardening and I try to work out.  I have cleaned out every closet-but I am a fan of TV.  I know that I am not supposed to say things like this-but it is the truth.  My daughter and I have caught up on series like: Veep, The Big C, Burn Notice and are excited about the upcoming episodes of True Blood and Weeds.  I have to say that I have laughed out loud at two totally unexpected things this week:

1. Jerry O'Connell was hosting with Kelly and they were talking about how their children watch Disney movies over and over.  I can relate to that- I could never understand how my daughter would watch the same movie over and over for 4 months in a row.  Jerry started in on a monologue that leads into the the song- Part of your world and Kelly chimed in and remembered all the words also and then she did the whole push up on the rock- Thing a bobs- I've got 20 ,blah blah blah- I want more.
Both of them -I think a totally honest, original moment, both knowing all the words and singing in unison- That was a classic!  I could have done the same thing about 15 years ago- before I lost every memory.

2. Tonight on "Watch What Happens"-  Andy had Ramona singer as one of his guests and also the red head from the Office. ( I can't remember her name and I think she is hysterical- I just watched the show  30 minutes ago).  Do I need to see a doctor about this?  Anyway- Andy had a comedian in the bartender spot who does a perfect impression of Ramona and Bethany.  Her name is Amy Phillips and I think her Bethany impression is on You tube.   Check it out- FUNNY.  Of course if you have never watched the housewives you wouldn't get the joke-but I will admit to loving all things "Housewive".  Of course I have those tight ass "friends" that could never lower themselves  to watch such garbage.  Give me a break- sometimes you need to watch mindless drivel in order to just chill out.

Right now my girl Teresa has been dropped by Caroline and Jacqueline.  You all know how I love Teresa.  She has a beach house near where I grew up at the Jersey Shore and I love her spoiled children especially G to the A and MIL ANIA!  I find it amusing how the children are so animated. They are very comfortable around the cameras.

 Come on girls- Can't we all just get along?  Look at what just happened to Rodney King this week.  Life is short- look at how happy you all used to be! Momma T wants you all to get back to being friends!

Watergate's 40th anniversary

My earliest memories of politics were of campaigning for Richard Nixon in front of my elementary school.  I believe I was in 3rd or 4th grade.  I remember making signs and having little arguments with the Humphrey supporters and some of the ultra conservatives that wanted Goldwater to run instead of Nixon. 
When you are a child, you mimic your parents views.  My father was a conservative and we lived in a part of NJ that has never voted for any Democrat.  A solid republican zone. My father was one of the leaders of the republican party in our town.  I remember idolizing Nixon as a child.

Things gradually changed as the Watergate hearings came to pass and Nixon was impeached by complete majority vote.  I remember taping his resignation speech on my tape recorder and crying.
That really was the defining moment in my young life.  I stopped believing in our political leaders and started to really question their motives.  I remember one of my friends going off on Jimmy Carter and listing all the terrible reasons my he would bring our country to ruin and for the first time - I my head- I thought, this is just bullshit and it is coming straight from her father's mouth.  I remember the realization of how hypocritical many of the people I knew growing up.  I started realizing how removed we were from the "real" world.  After all I grew up in an all white area.  There were no minorities that lived there and their was no crime.  The biggest crime news story that I can remember was when my neighbor's son had broken into the summer homes throughout the course of the winter months and stolen things like TVs etc.  He had stored the loot under one of the houses on our block.  That was the headline story in our  paper.

There are certain defining moments that change you.  I can say that Watergate broke my bubble.  It made me question things.  It made me also question religion.  I started to gravitate towards science and the importance of our environment.  I started to realize there was a lot more out there and started to think globally. I started to understand the importance of people over industry. I loved studying world history and evolution in college and I came to college with an attitude that a lot more open -minded.

Recently, there have been leaks to the news media about the underwear bomber, the attack in cyber space against Iran and several other secretive initiatives.  These leaks put the people that are under cover in danger.  They may have come from the white house. Hopefully the perpe- "traitors" will be caught soon.  It is no secret that I have come to admire President Obama.  I hope that he can act swiftly to catch the these leaks.  I really do not agree with everything that has happened during his administration- mostly because I don't think he has done enough. But I believe he has done the right things to keep us out of economic despair.  I hope that he gets re-elected because I think that he will try even harder to bring about reform when their is no threat of election-loss.  I just hope that the same stupid idiots that run the fake VP office on HBO's Veep show aren't too true to life!

If you haven't had a chance to watch this series- I highly recommend it.  Some people feel that it harms our image of our current administration.   I think it is just plain hilarious!

The Power of the Pause

I haven't been around for a while due to an overwhelming year of educating teenagers.  I am back for the summer. I just heard Maria Shriver's commencement speech and wanted to congratulate her.  She spoke about the power of the pause.  We are living in uncertain financial times and it is certainly scary to be released into the job market.  She encouraged the students of her daughter's graduating class to not be rushed or pushed into just any career-just because everyone is judged on their success.  Here is a portion of her speech:

"So remember to pause and reflect -- before you sign on with someone or some organization whose work you don’t admire and respect. Who you work for is as important as what you do.
And if you don’t have a job yet and someone asks you “What-are-ya-gonna-do?” Just pause, and be aware of this fundamental truth: It’s okay not to know what you’re going to do! It’s okay not to have all the answers. You don’t have to be like I was at your age and beat yourself up for not knowing.
It’s okay to go with the truth and tell people, “You know what? It’s a tough job market out there. I'm not sure what I'm going be doing. I'm pausing, I'm open, and I'm looking at my options.” Hey, that’s exactly what I’m saying to people these days -- and so far, so good!
And while you’re waiting for that perfect job -- know this: There are so many incredible nonprofits out there doing important high-impact life-changing work. They can use your brains and talent in the meantime to help them communicate their mission and message."    

Maria Shriver- Friday, May 11th at Anaheim school of Communications

Bravo Maria- As the mother of a graduate of the class of 2012, that is exactly what the students need to hear. Everyone is asking them what are they going to do, are they going to get their Master's?  I just want to scream because I know that we already owe a shit load of money in loans and my daughter has worked very diligently on her classwork. We as parents have allowed her the the time to really invest in her education and now it is time to enter the work world and learn the lessons of holding a job, being responsible and supporting herself. Unfortunately, that may mean that she may have to work at a fast food restaurant for a while. 

Thanks Maria, for speaking about these troubling times and making me realize that we all are in the same boat.  I remember when I graduated in 1982, we were going through recession and I had a really difficult time finding a teaching job.  I wanted to stay in Atlanta but couldn't afford to wait to hear from the school systems.  I went back home and worked the old summer jobs and felt like a loser. You are told - everyone needs math and science teachers- you are guaranteed to find a job.  Well- it took until October to get a job. Life was really difficult- I made $12,000 a year and couldn't afford a phone in my apartment.  It is unfortunate that my daughter's generation has experienced such an easy life style and now when they are about to be set free the tables have turned. 

It is OK if she doesn't get as job right away.  It is OK if she needs to live a home for a while. If I can't retire right away- I will also be OK with that. We will all make it and I am very happy and proud to be the parent of such a unique and talented young lady!!

the "504" plan for teachers

Many of you that aren't familiar with educational lingo may not know what a 504 plan is.  Well I am not here to put down the idea entirely- my daughter had a medical one plan when she was in school.  I think that teachers should be aware when students have a medical condition. 

Today the 504 plan is also being misused.  It is a way to ensure that students that are trouble makers have a way out of being suspended or expelled.  Another excuse to give the parents a permanent baby-sitter for their child without repercussions towards the student.

I have a student who lives in a group home and has been to jail.  She has been in my class since the beginning of January.  She has probably been in my class for 7 full days.  She is constantly being called to the office.  I have spent over 4 hours in group meetings and filling out paperwork on her.  I am not allowed to know what she did to get in trouble.  She was kicked out of a high school last year and now has a legal team that will prevent that from happening at our school.  She loud, obnoxious and late to class.  She will either completely disregard my requests for her to focus on her work and to be quiet or sleep through the entire class.  Her 504 plan says she is the victim of PTSD. (post traumatic stress syndrome) I am supposed to take her aside and speak to her in a non-threatening way.  I am supposed to read her the questions on her test in a small group situation.  I have 32 students in that class and I am all by myself.  Please help me!

I need a 504 plan.  I have students that are loud and disruptive.  They can't look you in the eye when you speak to them.  They copy their work because they have done that all of their lives and they have no idea how to look up the answer for themselves. Yes- the majority of my students are sweet and capable.  The 20% that are unable to fen for themselves tend to drag the rest down.  I am not able to write up a student that is disruptive.  The administration would ignore this.  Parents of this students have the PTSD and they can't cope.  These little demons run their households. Recently our freshmen class has had their "Arab Spring".  They have had fights, food fights- been totally out of control.  The teachers have had to keep them in the classes for lunch for the last two weeks.  Now- who is really being punished here?

The teachers deserve to have their own 504 plan:

1. Parents of students that misbehave must contact the teacher by email if they want re entrance into the classroom.

2. The county office shall put a hold on all new BS programs until the teachers have been restored to their proper pay scale and the class sizes are back to normal.
   In other words- don't make us pre and post test and develop PowerPoint data presentations when we haven't been given the standard pre and post test or been given training on how to input the data or have had our pay cut by 7-8 furlough days!

3. When students are sitting in your class and they refuse to do the work- parents- that is not then considered makeup work.  Please allow makeup work to be for truly excused absences!

4. When teachers have overcrowded classes and students that are considered special needs- please consider giving them extra assistance from time to time.
 I have asked for help with my difficult class and really no one has helped.

5. Please consider the teacher a true college graduate- professional employee.

 If a teacher has been given a duty, coaching assignment or any thing that requires them to put in extra hours- please allow acknowledge this effort.  This is what I consider "Educational Community Service".  Coaches probably make something like $5 an hour for their efforts.  Parents expect miracles. If you want miracles, then you need to be an advocate and not a critic.  
Last week I got ripped a new asshole so that a parent could get her daughter into a prestigious honor organization.  I had nothing to do with the comments that kept her daughter out of the organization. They were lodged by her former teachers.  I had to sit through about 10 minutes of ass- whipping while the parent complained that I didn't follow the proper procedures.  An administrator sat there and allowed it to happen and then the daughter was allowed in to the organization.  No one came to speak to me afterwards.  Every other teacher on the board that had to listen to this raving maniac were in shock. So now that I have PTSD- what will my school do for Me?
      Administrators are paid an extra $20,000- 30,000 per year because they have to deal with parents and organizing events, tests etc.  Well I get an extra $300 per year to be in charge of this organization. I spend more than 100 hours extra.  How is this fair?  By the way- when you bring up money the catch phrase is- this is all about the kids.  Yes it is.  That is why I haven't quit yet!