Christmas Story- Jersey style

 

One year my father got a brilliant idea- "let's go out and cut down our own Christmas tree". Now this was the man who had no idea how to fix anything.  He couldn't fix a hole in the fence.  He didn't know how to put oil in his car.  He never used a saw.  But he was notoriously optimistic and cheap.  He would rather spend a whole afternoon searching for a tree and cutting it down, for free,  than to go and buy one for $25. 

So we all loaded into the station wagon-like Chevy Chase in the Vacation movies. We lived on an island so we had to travel about 20 miles across the bay and into the pine barrens to locate a tree to cut down- did I mention this was free?

Well, we found a spot and got out and started to search for the perfect tree.  Meanwhile my mother was complaining from the start.  Ralph- you don't know how to cut a tree- etc.  My Dad was always up for a "great adventure".  Every summer we would go on family vacations and we would somehow always stay in crazy places with lots of "character"  like the college dorms at Boston University.  They had twin beds and bathrooms down the hall and no air-conditioning.  I remember how hot and sweaty were were in the middle of July and the morning he decided to spray deodorant up his butt crack.  That was a one-time only experiment.  

My Dad parked the car in some wet mud and we later would have to spin the wheels to get out.  Thank goodness we didn't have to change a tire like little Ralphy in the Christmas Story movie.

We were looking around for the perfect tree and my Dad decided to practice his technique on a Charlie Brown sapling.  Naturally, his saw was old and rusty.  We lived at the shore and everything rusts there.  It took him about 15 minutes to saw through a tiny 2 inch wide stem.  How long would it take to bring down a seven feet beauty?  

As we were walking around I noticed these metal tubes all over the place.  I also heard a lot of cars backfiring.  I questioned my Dad.  He said not to worry.  I said Dad- isn't it deer hunting season?  He said not to worry, they don't shoot deer in this area.  Just then we heard a definite blast.  We saw a person in the distance in an orange vest and my Dad had us hightail it for the wagon.  Naturally we were also stuck in the mud so we had to get out and push to make our exit.

Needless to say- we ended up with the $25 tree and next year a new- fangled fake tree was purchased and reused for the next 30 years!

 

When my father's health started to fail, I would travel back to New Jersey on weekends.  I would leave after work and get into the Philly airport at about 10 pm.  There is nothing more nerve-racking than driving through the pine barrens and seeing a bunch of eyes in the trees.  The deer eyes actually light up!  I guess that is better than meeting the Jersey Devil!

 

The Fart Pillow

When my sister and I were preteens we had a little secret, that looking back was strangely empowering.  We had a pillow in the TV room that we sat on whenever we had to fart.  Our parents were not aware of this, and we didn't use it when we were all watching TV together.  We just would run upstairs during the day and fart on it and laugh hysterically.  Then when we were watching TV, we would live it on an open spot, usually for my mother.  When she leaned against it we tried not to look at each other, but invariably our eyes would meet and we would start cracking up.

My mother would yell at my father-" why are the girls laughing at me? " He, of course, would play along and say they are probably laughing at the joke you just missed.  Well my mother missed a lot of jokes on TV and still does.  She just doesn't understand humor.  So, my Dad always played it off.  I think he secretly also figured out what we were laughing at- because we would throw that pillow around like a "hot potato" to avoid sitting anywhere near it.

As children, my sister and I had to grow up so quickly due to certain medical problems within the family.  We were in charge of making dinner and taking care of the house whenever our mother was ill.  But nothing we did  was ever done up to her standards.  Grades at school were also never good enough. To this day it is impossible to please my mother.  So, this was the only thing we had to make us feel powerful.

Thank goodness we are both grown and have raised wonderful children.  I am lucky to have a such a terrific sister.  She and I had some harrowing experiences as children, but we have survived and thank goodness there are a few little ditties like this that we can remember fondly!

Kudos to the new season of GIRLS

If you were about to give up on GIRL'S because last season was too depressing- check out season three's premiere episodes.  They were both sooooo funny.  I laughed so hard!!  Way to go Lena- you are BACK!

I think the main problem last year was the show really needed more of Jessa and she is now back and in rare form.  I won't give up any details- but if you watch it on demand you also get the little blurbs of wisdom from Lena after the show!  Check it out!

Why does the Wolf initiate such anger?

One of the perks of retirement has been the ability to go to the movies and watch all the possible Oscar nominees.  I was moved by 12 years a Slave, Fruitvale Station, Captain Phillips, Dallas Buyer's Club and American Hustle.  These movies have great moments of acting and direction.  They are all true stories also.  This is definitely the year of the TRUE story.  The racial perils that Oscar Grant (Fruitvale Station) faced in Oakland, California.  There was a definite parallel to shooting of Trayvon Martin and this summer's acquittal of George Z.  We were reintroduced to the early world of HIV in the Dallas Buyers club.  I had forgotten how difficult it was to obtain medicine for the patients infected in the 1980's. The Somali pirates in Captain Phillips were terrifying and yet we as an audience developed an understanding of their desperation even though they were terrorists.

American Hustle was loosely based on the ABSCAM case in New Jersey.  The FBI  basically entrapped several political figures in the late 1970's.  All the acting in this film is terrific. Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams deliver fantastic performances!  It was my favorite film yet.  I couldn't believe that fake comb-over that Christian Bale had!

By far the most appalling true story is the Wolf of Wall Street.  While watching the movie- I just kept thinking to myself- is this guy ever going to get caught?  The excess money,  drugs, sex, disregard for the working class people being scammed really hit me.  I thought the movie was about 40 minutes too long- but the fact was it was a true story and I do have to say that the quaalaud scenes brought back memories of some of my college pals.

Why did this movie cause to have physical anguish?  Maybe it was that 25 years ago there was a lesson to be learned from Jordan Balfour.  He wrote a book and admitted to all of his debauchery.  He confessed to how he convinced his clients to buy worthless stocks and pocketed all the commissions.  He had no empathy for the regular folks he was fooling. He went to jail for 22 months and played tennis- for Christ's sake. Have we not learned anything?  It seems that the crash of 2008 may have been caused by slightly different "Wolves", but the basic white-collar crime still had the same fallout- very few of these thieves were punished. I think Martha Stewart served a bigger sentence for insider trading.  Isn't this an embarassment? What does this say to the rest of the world?  If you are rich, and you cheat  people there is a very good chance that you will get away with it.  I think that Martin Scorsese wanted people to be retrospect by giving us all the visual excess in this movie.  I think that he is a brilliant director and historian- has anything really changed since the days of Tammany Hall (Gangs of New York)?

I can't wait to see Philomena, Nebraska and August Osage County. Also-  I thought Saving Mr. Banks was a lovely movie. I hope that Emma Thompson gets an Oscar nod.  We have had a wonderful year for films. Go see a movie!  Tell me what you think.  Momma T

What exactly is a furlough day?

I am not questioning the return of back pay for government employees after the recent shutdown.  I think that the employees deserve to get their back pay.  I just wonder why when teachers or other professionals are furloughed they do not ever get their back pay.

Isn't it stupid that the government shutdown was a vacation for the employees?  I do realize that they had to wait it out and this may cause them to have a financial set back, but they are getting pay for not working. 

I looked up the definition of the word furlough and of course it means something different for the military, but it indicates temporary layoffs in the civilian workforce.

Isn't it ridiculous that the government shut down stopped people from working and then paid them back?  Think about how far behind they are at their jobs.  It is just another stupid offshoot from our elected officials. 

What can we learn from a Movie?

I

The Captain Phillips Movie was really terrific.  It isn't for the faint of spirit.  It is so well-done that you actually feel like you were there in the middle of the hijacking. 

The thing that impressed me was that I actually was scared and yet somewhat sympathetic at the same time.

I knew the outcome of the situation-since this actually happened in 2009. 

 

I almost had a confrontation with the asshole that sat behind me because he kept making derogatory comments about the hijackers.  The whole point of this movie is that we as Americans can understand the abject poverty( that western nations have created) and what it forces some people to do.  I was thinking how can you watch this movie and not understand this!

 

Of course I do not advocate the use of force or pirating for profit- but if you have lost your livelihood, maybe we all can at least understand the reason why the pirates did this.  It also helps we Americans understand how we are perceived by others that are a lot less fortunate than we are.

 

 

This is the result of day 16 of the government shutdown!

Maybe I  am really suffering from cabin fever since I have a cast on my ankle and can't easily get outside.  My daughter was walking the dog yesterday and saw this sign by the community doggie waste basket.  I found it ha-lar-ious!

In case you can not read the whole message it says-  YOU UNCONSIDERATE LAZY ASS!
I guess it was to much to bend down and pick up after your big DOG!(mess) Do better next time I'm Watching!!!

Now what part of this reminds you Ted Cruz and the tea party?  Is it the exemplary grammar?  Is it the paranoid threats?  Does it make you feel better that regular people are just as big babies as Congress?

Thanks to my  neighbor for making me laugh today!  Congress supposedly made a deal while I was researching this important blog.  We will see if they finally have graduated to the kindergarten level!

Momma T