The most entertaining answer of all time !

As a teacher, I have graded 1000's of essay answers. I got one today that beats every answer in the last 30 years. Enjoy!

The question:  Describe four evidences of evolution and give examples of each.  How did Darwin come up with the idea of natural selection and describe how we demonstrated that in our labs?

Answer:
One evidence of natural selection is birds.  If you look outside and see a pigeon you'd think that bird looks small.  But really its common ancestor is a terodactyl.  Which is a pretty big sized bird.  Another evolution thats really amazing are homosapiens.  Its amazing to see what humans have evolved from like walking while bent over and now we can walk standing up straight. not to mention the technology the way its advanced since they had to use fire to light there caves we now have light bulbs.  The third evolution change is lizards which evolved from T-rex's.  An animal that was 61 feet tall evolved to something that's now, not even a whole foot tall.  The last but most obvious change of evolution is earth.  The earth's climate has changed sooooooooo much since 4 billion years ago.  4 billion years ago all the continents were together as one(pangea) now theyve all broken apart into 2 huge pieces of land and it use to be wayyyyy hotter 4 billion years ago but since the climate changed we experience times or periods of different weather.  thats a huge change of evolution right there.  Darwin came up with this idea of evolution of natural selection because of the massive change in environment and we demonstrated it in our lab because Just like cavemen did we changed over time.

I sat down and read this and wondered- did this student actually sit in the same class I was teaching in the last four weeks?  That was hilarious and yet frightening all at the same time! Perhaps he will become our next senator.  The scary thing is- he probably left class and thought- I nailed it! Momma T

My lovely little Freshmen!

I have been teaching science since 1982.  Until recently, I have have always had mostly freshmen classes.  My school started an academy a few years ago and you couldn't teach freshmen unless you had them all day.  I still wanted to teach the upper level AP classes, so I had to give up the freshmen.  Now-like pretty much everything in education, the rules have changed and I have three freshmen classes.  They are small and cute.  A few of the girls have a tude.(attitude)  Most of the girls are really sweet. Most of the boys are in dire need of aderol.  They are cute-but hyper. It is a whole different world than teaching upperclassmen.

Two days a week we have a block schedule with 95 minute class periods.  That is lab day.  So last week I took them outside for a lab that lasted about 15 minutes outside.  They had stop watches(all a swinging), and they were throwing toothpicks on the ground and picking them up in 15 second increments.  One boy was all over the place.  I had to ask him to get to work three times.  He started on the 15 second pick up and then threw up in the grass.  I asked him if  he would like to sit down in the shade and rest. He was totally fine after he threw up ( and also before.) Back in the classroom- I saw a boy with tears in his eyes.  I questioned what was the matter.  The girl next to him said take him in the hall and asked what happened. He proceeded to tell me that another boy threw him into the back window and proceeded to choke him.  I asked if he was OK and he said his ear hurt from being jacked up into the window-but he was otherwise OK.  I proceeded to take the other boy to the assistant principal and then I had to go back and get the other one.  In the meantime my class of 34 little heathens decided to take the turtles food and throw it all over the room.

I blew my top on return and I think I may have uttered the shit word.  The next day they were really good.  I hope they haven't forgotten their remorse this week- I doubt it.  My friend said I should use the - I'm in menopause while yelling at them next time and they will be frightened.  I haven't tried that one yet- I have a feeling I may need it!

It is interesting the lab we did was on the topic of natural selection.  Survival of the fittest- will it be me or them?  Stay tuned.

The Tea Party's Last Stand

The Kingdom of Wasilla 2060

Hi- my name is Rogue Arnold.  My fathers family has lived in North America since before the revolutionary war.  ( That is the war where Paul Revere warned the British about our kick ass revolutionists and their tea party rebellion).  Yes, my great, great grandmother was the magnificent Sarah Palin. Fortunately she kept her compound here in Wasilla, because her home in Arizona is now long gone.  In fact there is no "lower 48" anymore. 

Great Grandma Bristol  used to say "when one door closes another one opens".  This is what happened to America.

The weather got very hot, all the crops were destroyed and then all the light skinned people developed skin cancer.  Fortunately, there was no more worry about the illegals crossing the border.

Life became very difficult and the remaining refugees tried to migrate to what used to called Canada.

There are no more countries anymore.  All towns are ruled by monarchs.  The kingdom of Wasilla is ruled by papa Trip. We have the last remaining fresh water supply due to the melting of the glaciers. Our weather is a dependable 75 degrees each day. 

Well- I have to run.  If I stay outside for more than five minutes the skin cancer will get me!

Hey Teresa- is it a Hurricane or a Norwegian?

Well- I missed the Housewives of NJ this past Sunday and finally caught it today.  God bless Teresa- she will never let you down!  I think she said the best line since -Is Bitch Better? or even the table flip.  She was talking about the weather and she said a Norwegian was coming.  She meant Nor'easter. Now I grew up on the Jersey shore and I am well aware of the term.  We had at least one or two of these storms every year.  They usually aren't as bad as a hurricane-but they are sometimes bad enough to force evacuations from wind and flooding.  This just goes to show my fascination with the housewives of Jersey.  I mean, how these folks that are so not intelligent live in huge Mansions?  It is super puzzling and yet  fascinating! 

Some of my friends think that Melissa and Joe G. are the new heroes of Jersey.  I will not give up the title that hold for my favorite housewife- Teresa.  She raises 4 little brats and a super big bratty husband  and still has time to steal her moms recipes and sell them in a cookbook- BRAVO! 

My students are also fascinated with the whole Jersey mystique.  They ask me about the Jersey Shore crowd and I say- yes I did witness people like that growing up.  There were a lot of Italians at the shore. I even had a friend at college in Atlanta that probably was the original situation. But these housewives seem so familiar- I think I might have waited on a few of them and their families when I was young.

Hope all is well in Jersey after this hurricane blows through.  It has been a long time since we had a hurricane up there.  My angel sister picked up my mother for the weekend. Thanks god for her!

The Dilemma- hopefully NOT a lemmon!

This is a picture that is similar to my new car.  I worked all summer trying to find the perfect car.  Unfortunately this was the year of the high-priced used car deal.  I finally settled on leasing a new car.  It turns out I will spend less and actually pay less for the car when the lease is over than I would have paid for a used car that was three years old.  I definitely am worried that I made the wrong choice in leasing,but I have a car that I am giving to my daughter and no trade in so the options were limited.  By the way- what color is this?  I say beige-the dealer says pepper-white.  I guess when you charge so much money for something, you have to make up some fancy color to make it seem like it is really special.  I still say it is beige! 

Coyote Ugly

I live in the actual city of Atlanta. There is no farm land anywhere near us.  There is very little forest area.  There is a park nearby,but it is surrounded by neighborhoods.  So imagine my surprise when I found out that there was a coyote outside my door on Saturday.  The coyote chased a neighbors dog. I am very glad that I didn't go outside with my little dog.  He thinks he is a bad ass-but he is no match for a coyote!  That is like putting Mike Tyson up against Carson Kressley!

How do you get coyotes in a condo neighborhood in the middle of the city?  There must be some crazy lack of food and water out there. 

On a funny note- I watched Curb your Enthusiasm tonight and the Ricky Gervais episode was a classic!  I laughed so hard.  Way to go Larry!  I highly recommend the Hero episode!

Missing Oprah

I sat and watched a marathon of Oprah- Behind the Scenes today and I realized how much I miss my bud- the big O.  I have watched Oprah since the 80's.  She is my hero.  I love her spiritual energy.  I have always admired her because she is genuine. 

I was asked by someone on the yearbook staff in 1989- who is the person you most admire?  I replied Oprah Winfrey.  They were startled, because she was not quite as well- known at that time but I think I hit the nail on the head.  Oprah taught me how to forgive myself.  She taught me it is OK to be who I am even though I am a fa-thlete ( Fat Athlete).  She taught me to understand how it felt to be a child of abuse and how to live with it.  She taught me to be a better person!

Phil Donahue actually was the first person to help me to recognize that my family situation was not just unique to us.  He had shows on schizophrenia and coping with a family member with a mental disorder and he really helped me out of my teenage misery and isolation.

 I am also upset that the Oprah show reruns were not played this summer.  I never could get home in time to watch Oprah at 4 pm, so I was counting on catching up this summer.  No such luck!  I guess I could set my DVR to record but I can't even text so that is just out of the question.

Oprah I miss you!  Best wishes on your next endeavors.  Thanks for being my bud for the past 25 years! Momma T